The politics of volunteering...

What is that saying? "If you need something done, ask a busy person"? Well, apparently I must look pretty busy because everywhere I turn lately, someone is asking me to volunteer for something! Now don't get me wrong, I'm always happy to bake cookies for the bake sale, bring waters for the class trip or snacks for the basketball team. I don't even mind signing up on the volunteer sign up sheet to chaperone the occasional field trip or supervise the class at recess during teacher appreciation week. In fact, (and not to toot my own horn but hello! Toot toot!!) I run one of the largest fundraisers at my daughter's school, spending the better part of 4 months in slave-like devotion to a money-making, prize churning machine. So it absolutely pisses me off that I seem to be number one on everyone's speed dial when it comes time to find a volunteer. Aren't I volunteering enough for all of us??? Do they really think I have nothing better to do than give up what little free time I have managed to carve out for myself doing something I am not even interested in for someone who is not even a close, personal friend??

Okay, I'm particularly touchy about this because right now I'm in a position where I have to ask people to volunteer. It's a peculiar job - I'm on the nominating committee for the PTO board. I'm basically asking people to take on a HUGE job for little to no reward other than being ridiculously helpful to your child's school. Now, it's no secret that I continue to be the chairperson for said behemoth fundraiser year after year so that I WON'T have to take on one of these other jobs because I prefer to work VERY hard for 4 months and then recuperate instead of working VERY hard for 10 months and then self-destructing. Yet, somehow in addition to chairing "my" fundraiser, I end up "volunteered" as the person who ropes other innocent people into the very jobs I won't take. I know. It's wrong on SO many levels.

But what's REALLY wrong about this whole thing is the attitude of so many when a person says no. Don't get me wrong, I've certainly spent my share of time wondering what in the world little Susie's mother is so busy doing that she can't even return my email when I ask if she can volunteer 30 minutes of her time at the "weepul table" (don't ask) and I admit I have looked askance at the mom running away after drop off, dressed in tennis whites, when she has angrily explained that her job is simply too demanding for her to be anywhere but IN HER OFFICE from 7 am to 7 pm. Unless she is "tennis pro to the stars", I think I've been had. No, the thing that drives me crazy is the person who truly believes that your "no" is just an opportunity for them to KEEP ON ASKING YOU. Like the child who pleads for one more piece of candy, over and over and over and over and over, until you finally give in or go insane, this person will stand in front of you, speaking English and responding to light and sound, and yet act as if you are a TV with the mute button on.

I am in awe of those of you who can say no - just "no" without a long, involved, guilt-ridden explanation. Those of you who value your time (and your family's time) enough to protect it. I know that some of you really wish you could volunteer more but your job makes it impossible or you have family responsibilities that take up a lot of your time. When I say "yes" to a volunteer request, it's you I'm thinking of. I'm thinking that I'm lucky to have the time and energy to help. But sometimes... sometimes I just wish I had an unlisted phone number.

It's probably not a surprise that I'm a person who finds it hard to say no. I'm also the one who believes if no one is going to do it, I'd better go ahead and do it. But experience has taught me that if I don't step in and "save the day", generally someone else will. They may not do it the way I would have or the way you wanted it done, but they will do it because no one else did. And if I stepped in, they would never have had to. And what if someone doesn't volunteer? What if I say no and no one else says yes? Will the world fall off its axis?? Will California fall into the sea??? Will the school have to actually CLOSE???? Probably not. Sadly, I am not as important as I like to think I am. And if it's a job that no one wants to do, perhaps it is not a job we need to have. But I don't have to turn myself upside down, neglecting my family, friends and job, in order to fill your position. So I really DO resent when you don't hear me when I say "no". Because I say yes FAR too often. And I guess by saying yes too often, you think I'll say yes to anything. So no - I will not make your posters, man the cash register, run the arts and crafts class, help you move or head up the PTO. And it's not because I don't like you or think those are not important jobs or that I think I'm too good to do them. It's because I'm ALREADY TOO BUSY with what I've previously agreed to volunteer for and there are 6.5 billion other people on the planet and I would appreciate it if you would give one of them a chance to say yes. And I promise, if you say no to me, I will hear you.